Fighting is an essential part of intimacy.

A colleague of mine, Katherine Schafler a Psychotherapist in NYC, wrote a great blog about fighting with your partner, which I wanted to share with all of you. It reminded me of two things, one a mentor telling me as long as a couple it still fighting there is hope, and two John Gottman’s amazing research on couples and intimacy. He has spent decades watching couples and tracking if they last the test of time. One of the key attributes for couples who stayed together was that they fought more often than couples who didn’t. Of course, the kind of fighting is important, but he points out that fighting often means they don’t let things fester, so they are able to live in the present unburdened by the weight of old wounds. Katherine outlines a ‘good fight’ and the value of fighting to enrich a relationship in the article below, she says fighting can either be constructive or destructive, its good stuff. So please, read on.