A colleague of mine, Katherine Schafler a Psychotherapist in NYC, wrote a great blog about fighting with your partner, which I wanted to share with all of you. It reminded me of two things, one a mentor telling me as long as a couple it still fighting there is hope, and two John Gottman's amazing research on couples and intimacy. He has spent decades watching couples and tracking if they last the test of time. One of the key attributes for couples who stayed together was that they fought more often than couples who didn't. Of course, the kind of fighting is important, but he points out that fighting often means they don't let things fester, so they are able to live in the present unburdened by the weight of old wounds. Katherine outlines a 'good fight' and the value of fighting to enrich a relationship in the article below, she says fighting can either be constructive or destructive, its good stuff. So please, read on.
How do you talk to yourself ?
The number one indication that you're not your own 'bestie' is negative and or abusive self talk. How we talk to ourselves not only reveals our relationship to ourselves it also sets up how we take care of our health, our home, our careers, relationships and...pretty much everything.
How we talk to ourselves is where our internal world forms our external world.
The tone with which you talk to yourself, as well as the actual things that you say to yourself, will tell you pretty quickly how you feel about yourself. Bring some awareness to this and you will find that you are talking to yourself on some level much of the time. So, listen to what you are saying.
Are you being supportive and patient to yourself?. A good way to determine this is to ask yourself if you said the things you say to yourself to your best friend would you still be best friends.
If the answer is no, you probably have low self-confidence.
How to stop being the bully
TNT - Overreacting: how our brains trick us
Powder Keg Brewing Company, Niwot, CO
Begins at 7pm
TNT with Gen Morley
Overreacting: how our brain tricks us into having big responses to little stimulus. From fight or flight responses with our own family to panic attacks in the grocery store, how do we become instantly irrational? How the brain and our life experiences set us up to be fooled and what to do about it.
Gen is the director of North Boulder Counseling. She became a counselor after years of working in hospitals, where she realized she was more interested in the psychological intensity of medicine than medicine itself. She received her Master’s degree from Naropa University and has since been researching and working clinically with the intersection of neurobiology and counseling.